Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
