did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
