I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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