D3 body, D1 cock
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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