yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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