i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
