I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
