Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
