I think i sorta joined a cult last night
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
