The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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