how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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