"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
