allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
