Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
