You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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