whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
