I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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