Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I am available for nakedness
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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