If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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