Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my being single is dangerous.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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