Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I need water and some morals
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
