duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
