I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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