There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
