Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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