I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
