I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
