you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
