you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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