you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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