Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Is it penis luge time yet?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
