I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am midnight drunk by noon
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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