Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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