I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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