I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
