shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Also, beer. Big fan.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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