Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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