I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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