I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
