I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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