Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
