My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
