the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
