youre lurking in front of me
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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