..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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