It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You left your phone here
Wait...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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