It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
