Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
