Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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