Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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