Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
