Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
